• Me: Hi. So you can do [task X]
  • Contractor: Yes.
  • Me: You have no doubts.
  • Contractor: Of course not.
  • Me: And just to be clear, you are qualified and licensed to do all of the work.
  • Contractor: Yes.
  • Me: And you have an appropriate time window.
  • Contractor: Yes.
  • Me: And you speak the same language, fluently, as those in your employ and anyone you have to work with the make this happen.
  • Contractor: I do.
  • Me: Well, that sounds ideal. Couple more things...
  • Contractor: Okay...
  • Me: Do you do insane shit for no reason at all and then look totally bewildered when asked to explain it?
  • Contractor: Um...
  • Me: Are you subject to fits of destructive randomness during which you destroy the calm and peace of mind of those around you with self-immolatory behaviour apparently calculated to result in legal action and painful delays?
  • Contractor: Er...
  • Me: Just askin'.
  • Contractor: Basically, yeah.
  • Me: Then you are in no way hired, ever, you maniacal jackass. Thanks for coming in.